


Replacement Girl

by deusxinferni



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Better fics to come soon, Drabble, F/M, Feelings of Inadequacy, Kind of a half-assed one yikes, Maeve Donovan mention, Reader Insert, Spencer Reid - Freeform, mentions of past relationships - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 02:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7134380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deusxinferni/pseuds/deusxinferni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seems like a very UNFINISHED story because indeed it is one. Started off as a whole mental scenario but was too lazy to write the beginning. I still might, if the reception to this semi-angsty one shot is good!</p>
<p>Reader is a profiler who used to work with the BAU. Reader was involved with Spencer Reid after a night, but broke it off (and broke his heart) because of personal reasons. Because she still loves Reid, and dearly, the reader applies for a transfer out of the BAU unit, and thus, angst angst angst-angst-angst. (Honestly, I forgot exactly how the mental story went, but that one was better.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Replacement Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Please see summary for full explanation of the events occuring! You all are smart people so I expect you'll understand, one way or another, but the summary is much faster.

Spencer walks in, a mess of confusion and emotion, and stares at me. I know what he wants to ask. It's what I would have asked myself. "Why'd you leave the BAU?" It comes out hoarse and hollow, and he can't bring himself to look at me for longer than a few seconds at a time. I look up at him, and start to open my mouth when he cuts me off. He's not shying away with hurt like he was doing mere seconds ago, now he's practically fuming.

"Things were going well between us. Things were fine. We were working our cases well, there was no bad blood, we never even brought that night up. I was fine with that. I didn't need to talk about it, we both knew what happened. So why did you leave?" Words flew out faster and Spencer got angrier. "Nothing's affecting the way we work so I really don't see the point in transferring units unless there's some personal reason you have against me. I think I have a right to know and trust me if th-"

"Spencer." I cut him off. "I left for me. I had some stuff to figure out. This, whatever this is between us, I can't think straight. Out there on the field, this clouds my judgement. I just need a way to figure this out."

"What's there to figure out? There's no relationship, nothing should bother you at all, nothing should affect your job. If anything I think you're hurt by the lack or relationship, I think you can't work around me knowing our history."

I blanched. That stung. It was unlike Spencer to deliver such a low blow like that, and as I looked over, I saw the instant regret in his eyes at his statement. "I meant-"

"It's fine Spencer. You- you're not wrong." I blinked several times, and coughed awkwardly. "Out on the field, I- I can't let my feelings affect the way I work. You don't mean to, but you affect me, you do." I shrugged. "I love my job, I love you, I can't love both at the same time, in more ways than one. I can't watch you get hurt because it would pain me too much. I can't act objectively around you because of our history. Transferring teams, it gives me an out."

"But why?" His reply comes as a whisper. "Why do you need an out? We're professionals, we can separate our feelings from our workplace."

"I don't think I can. I really don't. Being in this unit, I can, love you from afar I guess. But I really can't love you." I offer a wry laugh. "The distance will also help me get over you, I think, and the independence will allow me to strengthen my profiling skills." I brush past him as I make my way hurriedly back to my new office. "Excuse me, agent."

I push past several other agents in the rush back to my office, with Spencer close behind, but I make it in my office and close the door before's he's cut off by a stream of people. Peace. I sit down behind my desk, closing my eyes and letting out shaky breaths to make the quaver in my voice recede. It's not long before I hear several sharp raps on my door, followed by Spencer forcing his way in the office regardless. 

It's silent for a while, with the quiet sniffling coming from me and the piercing gaze of Spencer, which I'm trying my damndest to ignore. "Why did you say you can't love me?"

There was the million dollar question. The one that made my hold my breath in fear of giving him an answer he didn't want to hear. He speaks up again. "It's not impossible for the two of us to develop feelings for one another. What happened that night, the next day, we could have done something. I tried. Why didn't you let me, let me in?" His voice is tired, he's tired. He doesn't want this anymore, doesn't want to ask questions and hear my answers. I blink. I want to tell him but I don't want to sound like I'm blaming him. 

I let out a breath. "Because I can't be your perfect girl. I know I can't live up to her. I don't want you to wake up one day and look at me, regretting your life, and your decisions. With me, you're settling." My hand reaches up quickly and harshly pushes the tears off my face. 

I don't look at him but I know his look. "I don't have a perfect girl."

The words sting me to my very core, because I know that isn’t true. “Yes you do.” I’m insisting this, and it pains me, but I stand my ground. I can’t face him much longer, so I stand up and begin walking towards the door. Spencer seems to back away without me making any contact, and I squeeze my eyes shut at that. 

“(y/n), I really don’t know what-” I reach for the handle of the door and open it, and my body seems to repel Spencer, as I force him out the door. He’s babbling, and for once, I don’t listen. 

“Spencer, Spencer, stop, Spencer.” I interrupt him. “Spencer. Maeve. It’s Maeve.” 

He blinks. “Maeve.” He repeats the name in a hushed tone, as if the syllable itself reaches into his chest and rips out his heart.

“I can’t replace her, Spencer. I can’t replace your perfect girl.” There’s a silence, and he looks at me, as if he wants to say something. I interrupt him, yet again. In a cheerful tone, as cheerful as I can muster up that is, I smile and let out a sigh. “I’ll see you at lunch then, maybe.” I close the door just a crack, trapping his body between the door and the frame, and he backs out. I click it shut. I sit down. I cry. Spencer, he walks away.


End file.
